As a student, to excel in Moshood Abiola Polytechnic, under the rock, you must know that the prestigious polytechnic is a playground that will not allow you the time to play. You must read till your eyes swell and turn red – who really cares if you burn night candles or use a local lantern? Who?! All those exercises would be futile if you did not buy books of life!
It seems you’re a bit confused by the last paragraph I’ve just written – see, if you’re a novice reading this serious satire, I’ll plead with you that you open your mind as wide as the doors in lecture rooms before some dutiful lecturers shut it on you! I say again, no one cares whether there is a dearth of shuttles or not. I mean, if you cannot comprehend this simplest complexity, how would you fathom what a doctor with the disability teaches you? So, before we move on to the encomium about to be unleashed on this technologically vibrant poly, play along.
Know, newbies and oldies, that MAPOLY’s motor is "Technology for Development", before you start complaining that why can’t the school management advance in the method of registration. These nonpartisan people are industrious and they have the interest of the students at heart.
Well, even if you’re sweating profusely under the cold weather, I can never say it with my mouth that the constituted authorities are culpable. I’ll be an ingrate to say such a truthful word to my school managers.
It is only a lazy-bone student that’d say maintaining a long, endless queue to submit a vital document is not a cherished culture in a prestigious polytechnic named after Moshood Kashimawo Olayiwola (M.K.O.). Tell such a student that, as the unforgettable name of the poisoned politician implies "Kashimawo", which literally means, "let us still be looking at it" – whether it would change or not. But in this case, I can boldly belch it to your face that this narrative shall not be altered! You just adapt like innocent students before you, in the past centuries had coped with the situation.
If you’re feeble to fight lung-and-sweat on the queues at various offices, quit and go back home. To be frank, you also know you’re too fragile but not delicate to have chosen this powerful poly. See, no lamentations here because it’d be in vain since there is no documentation of your woes. Just move one, dear. But while moving one, be wary on the roads for reckless student drivers. The security guards are sanctioning them though.
Well, there is a friendly way to pour an opprobrium of dirt on the top people but, you must pick your words like you pick beans at your hostel immediately you’re pocket-broken after you’ve purchased 21-chapter textbooks when you’ll only need chapters 1 to 5 of most.
Side talk: Yesterday, I was sipping my garri when a newbie was grumbling that he’s spent about 9k on textbooks. The future accountant said since he only needs 5 chapters out of the 9 in most of the textbooks, he should have a balance of 4k, at least. I smiled, and withdrew my ear from the wall. Honestly, his calculation is correct just that he didn’t put it on paper so as to show it to his lecturer or head of department who are actually concerned. End.
As the walls have ears, last week, it was rumored that a lecturer from one of the science departments sent some students out of the lecture room because they are yet to pay up their school fees. If nothing, paying tuition is paramount in this poly even if you’re dying to see your last semester result.
In all arguments, what stands out is this: students pay to be taught but have no right to acquire knowledge if they haven’t pay. True or false, that is none of our business in this piece of satire but, in nostalgia, the accused lecturer is justifiable on the ground that the system was very valid back in secondary school. If you want the full gist, you have to travel back in time, perhaps, metaverse will help.
As this first shot of satire will not try to fire anybody but then, there are departments to appraise unapologetically. As a communication student, it is enough to gather from hearsay that your pace setting department has a broad-cast studio but, never ask where it is located. Your lecturers are brilliant enough to describe how a console, mic (and its different types), OB Van, and other equipment look like without you actually being to a studio before in your life.
If you observe closely when they draw the aforementioned equipment in the air, you’ll be inspired to be a broadcaster. After you’ve excelled in that aspect, then, you can come and learn the practical aspect of news writing. Thank God-ness for your 3 months programme & industrial training. However, I pity those that waste those priceless periods.
To offend nobody as I said, I will overlook the Holy spiritual lecturer who organizes prayers from time to time in morning classes, or those that are exceptionally unique in making you cringe for failure to purchase textbooks. Anyways, this culture is ingrained across all departments and it remains sacrosanct for the good of the students.
Sorry, we have to drive backward. It’s not true when friends of yours in other schools gossip to you that they can have there exams results and even transcripts in numbers of days; that is a complete falsehood because booklets marking and all the processes involve are time-consuming and exhausting, not to even talk of transcript that can hang and never to be released. That is not where we wanted to reverse to, sorry again.
After this semester, the most valuable advice any oldies can give a newbie is to tell him/her to go to gym in the morning and at night so that, by the time school resumes, your muscles will have developed like Anthony Joshua’s. Reason: You’ll be more strong to struggle for shuttle as the fuel scarcity continues and cabs shortage persists. Shortage is a normality in this polytechnic. No complain.
Hmm… I recall there is this valor journalist that chronicled the state of the prestigious poly’s sport center. Shio! I cannot see the change his long narrative has made yet as the poor state of the facility is still there, compounded by the gentlemen who disrupted the Students’ Union Government football match – our most adorable present of a digital SU president.
There is only one choice to make as soon as a student steps his/her feet on this campus: pray that the school authority changes its motor so that the wheel will technologically turn the students to a more productive and marketable products or just alight from this creaky, crooky school with an antonymous motor.
Next time we meet, there are remarkable praise and prayers to shower this polytechnic with. See you.
PS: This piece is a satire and should be interpreted as thus.
